Do you like comedies? Action sequences? Terrible uses of editing and screentime? Then there's only one movie you need to see this spring, and I'm not talking about Night at the Museum. I'm talking about that blockbuster summer epic, Spiderman 3.

Only problem? It's not summer. Had this movie been released about a month and a half later, I would give it more credit. But for now, it left more than just a bad taste in my mouth; it made me squeal in disgust and terror.

Not to say it was all bad, of course. The fight scene in the end was quite impressive, and some of the more emotional scenes towards the beginning between MJ and... um... Harry? Green goblin kid, were very believable. However, it's the 120 minutes aside from those were, to say the least, disappointing.

First beef -- Apparently, the symbiote meteorite came from the seventies, but kept up on modern rock trends. Despite the fact that yes, Tobey Maguire is quite attractive with eyeliner, it was emphatically not the way to spend the majority of the film. I even turned to those I was with, muttering "Please be a dream sequence" over and over as our beloved Peter Parker pointed at women, thrust his hips, and generally looked like Taking Back Sunday were the leads in Saturday Night Fever.

Second beef -- Kirsten Dunst. If Mary Jane is supposed to be a singer/actress, then show more emotion, hon. I know you're lipsyncing -- it's remarkably obvious, in fact. So stop, take some voice lessons, figure out how to actually look like you care about what you're singing. You were stiff, even in other scenes. The scene at Harry's was the only one with any feeling at all.

Beef the Third -- Okay. I'm fine with trying to give audiences setup, but this is a trend I'm finding more and more disturbing in modern movies. Audiences, on the whole, seem to be stupider and stupider; at least, that's what the writers seem to think. An hour and a half of exposition, ten minutes of plot, and then everything basically wraps up. It was abrupt, shoddily written, and felt like an incredible cop-out. Despite that I may not have really liked Spiderman and Spiderman 2, you all could have done better with this one. Shame on you, Raimi siblings. Shame.

Overall, this movie left me chuckling. Not at the intended comedy, but instead at the seemingly (hopefully) accidental hilarity in watching this relate-to-able badass that is Spiderman fall to the likes of the modern Emo scene.